Never Coming Home
by Lee Davies
Summary: A mission goes horribly wrong and one member of the SG1 team is never coming home.


**Okay people...this is probably going to make some people yell at me and ask me what I was on...but I wrote it anyway. This was based on the song by My Chemical Romance called "The Ghost of You" and after listening to it a few times, this is what came out. Please don't say I hate Sam and Jack...that's not the case at ALL! Sometimes, it just doesn't work out...**

_I never said I'd lie and wait forever_

_If I died we'd be together_

_I can't always just forget her_

_But she could try_

Jack O'Neill lay in the infirmary bed, staring up at the ceiling. His mind was numb, as well as everything else inside of him. The mission had gone so wrong and there had been nothing he could have done. The helplessness ate at him, haunting both his nightmares and his waking hours. There was no way to banish the memories and he wasn't sure that he wanted to, as painful as they were. He wondered what good living would do him now. At least if he was gone, he could be with her now.

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are  
_

_Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?  
And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever ever...  
ever..._

The tears started to come, but he shoved them back down. There had been so much that had never been expressed between them, and now never would be. "Let's talk when we get back from the mission." she said. He could have pushed her to talk to him right then, but he hadn't. Should he? Hindsight was blinding him with its perfect, damming 20/20 vision._  
_

_Get the feeling that you're never  
All alone and I remember now  
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies...  
She dies..._

At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are

The enemy fire had been coming so thick when they'd emerged from the stargate that he honestly thought the end of this world was coming. When he'd finally been hit in the leg, he collasped to the ground in time to catch her as she fell.

"Don't leave me." she whispered.

"I won't...nobody gets left behind Sam." he choked out, holding her gently to him and trying to shield her as much as he could. Teal'c was covering Daniel who was dialing back to Earth as quickly as he could.

"It hurts."

"I know...you're going to be fine though. Just hang on." he begged.

Her wound was serious and he knew just by looking at it that she wouldn't last much longer.

"Jack.." she said hoarsely, trying to speak.

"It's okay, Sam." he replied, clenching his jaw to try and keep himself together.

"I just wanted to tell you..."

Her words trailed off into nothing and Jack looked down at her. Her beautiful blue eyes were now glassy and lifeless. Samantha Carter was gone. He closed his eyes and yelled with everything he had until his throat was raw and he couldn't emit anymore sound.

_Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?  
And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

Teal'c and Daniel had to drag him to the gate and Teal'c had gone back for Sam's body. When the Jaffa returned and laid it down gently on the ground next to Jack, he clung to it like it was a lifeline and the two men could not seperate him from her. They sent him throught first with Daniel next and Teal'c last.

The expressions on people's faces in the gateroom would be etched in his memory forever. The horror, the grief, the loss...

Dr. Fraiser had to finally sedate him in order to get him to release Sam to her. He awoke to find himself in the infirmary and knew that Sam was lost to him forever. He could see her face everywhere, alternately smiling with that expression that had always tugged at his heart and then her last look of such pain._  
_

_Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?  
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me  
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me_

If I fall  
If I fall (down)

At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are  


_Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me  
_

_Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?  
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me  
for all the ghosts that are never gonna..._

Daniel and Teal'c had come by and tried to get him to talk about it, but he was silent, not saying a word to anyone. General Hammond had tried his luck and failed like the rest of them.

Reaching under his pillow, Jack took out the scalpel that he had been able to steal from the tray when a nurse was cleaning them and had been called away for a moment. He wasn't as weak as they thought he was and could move fairly well.

Staring down at the sharp blade, he still debated with himself internally. The simple fact remained that she would haunt him for the rest of his life and he didn't really want to live without her. Her every word, her every look passed through his mind. Years of memories and regrets rose within him and Jack knew he would never truly heal from this. Making his decision, he looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes.

Sounds reached his ears but they sounded like they were underwater and very far away. Jack felt so light now, so free. The lights dimmed and the last thing he could see was her...

**Read and review...please?**


End file.
